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发布于:2019-1-31 02:19:07  访问:1947 次 回复:0 篇
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Gay Men And Femininity
The complex issues of feminity and masculinity play an integral role in the development of every gay man. Why are gay men ridiculed in our society? Essentially they are criticized for expressing characteristics that are believed “feminine”. From an early on age they learn that the way they walk or move, just how they cross their legs, the sound of their tone of voice, or their personal interests do not match what is expected of men in this culture.
The process of unlearning these cultural “guidelines” of masculinity can be an important task on the path to gay males’s personal growth. While it might not take long to intellectually recognize that these judgments about how exactly a man should work are arbitrary, unfair and unnecessarily restricting, the procedure of fully releasing these destructive voices may require some deeper attention.
In my therapy practice gay males are often amazed that they still carry with them an inner homophobia that they assumed that they had expelled years ago when they first arrived. They find themselves as proud, out gay movies males yet upon reflection they discover that they restrict themselves from crossing their hip and legs at the knee, or allowing their wrists to move because they want, or thoroughly monitoring how they are viewed by strangers or family. The habitual self-editing eventually can result in an overall connection with feeling tired, “less-than”, and insecure.
How can gay men let go of these deeply internalized, negative societal messages? Here are some suggestions:
? Seek supportive friendships with additional gay men. You`ll want connection with other gay guys to fully heal the consequences of inner homophobia. Look for friends who learn how to support rather than criticize. Avoid or confront people who tease you—also in fun—for being “too gay”.
? Starting listening more closely to your internal dialogue. Where do you criticize yourself without actually understanding it? When you capture yourself beating yourself up, take a breath, and replace those statements with true, compassionate statements.
? Notice how you move around in your body. Do you celebrate how you move or do you control and restrict yourself? Look for a secure place and safe people who have whom you can practice moving in in any manner that feels natural and good for you without needing to edit yourself.
? Go through affirming books about gay men. One of the best books about gay male advancement is The Velvet Rage by Alan Downs.
It is important never to underestimate the energy of the encompassing culture to impact your self esteem. Rejecting and reframing those powerful cultural messages is a process that will require ongoing attention.
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